Still feeling crappy.
Is it depression?
I don't think so....been down that road before, and this isn't nearly that bad.
It's not like I'm UNABLE to feel good.
I feel good at times every day, and I know I'm still one of the luckiest people around.
But things seem kinda stuck.
Our money situtaion is really weighing on me, all the time.
Every. Damn. Day.
JN and I haven't had time to sit down and figure out how or when I'm gonna work, so that's still hanging over my head, unresolved.
Plus, he and I seem perpetually stuck in what I like (?) to call "roommate mode."
We're living like roommates....we pass each other in the morning and evening, chat about our day and other small talk....
We kiss each other hi and goodbye, and that's about it.
It's not anyone's fault -- he's killing himself at work right now, putting in lots of hours as things get reorganized there.
And I'm just....stuck.
I feel like nothing I'm doing right now is good enough.
Like I'm constantly disappointing JN and shortchanging the boys.
The weather hasn't helped -- it's been windy, crappy and cold for a couple weeks now.
Things are starting to warm up (hopefully) now, so that might help.
So would hitting the lottery.
Having my MIL here didn't help either.
She took JA and I out for a Chinese buffet lunch on Friday, which was AWESOME.
Other than that, it just would have been nice if she wasn't here.
I felt so exhausted, trying to play hostess and keep things running along.
It's just easier when there's no one extra to have to wait on, ya know?
I barely keep up with my normal load....throwing a parent on top of it all doesn't help in the confidence-boosting/sanity department.
And she's a really great houseguest -- out of our 6 parents, she is definitely the easiest and best.
I'm just not right in the head right now, I guess.
As usual, it's me, noone else.
*sigh*
JN and I have to have the work conversation this week, so maybe next time I'll at least have some direction in that area, which will either make me feel better or worse.
No idea which yet.
It would also help if the Cubbies could LOOK DECENT already!
Damn. :(
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2 comments:
Hey CC, hang in there. I think this is just a mark of a marriage--the barely speaking stuff--that someday will enjoy a lighter happier existence. I'm not sure there's a straight shot up available to married couples. YOu have to go down, too. The money thing is oppressive. Once you have a plan you'll feel so much better, in control and happier. As far as the Cubs go? At least they're not the Pirates. I hate saying that, it feels disloyal...I'm optimistic, but well, I'm afraid it's all about the payroll. I know there are exceptions, but at least you guys will never suffer from lack of a market!
So true, Kathie....I keep telling myself "this too shall pass...." It sucks in the meantime though! I'm sick of hearing myself bitch and whine at this point.
Yeah, the Cubbies have the payroll, no doubt -- but I think that makes it MORE painful when they stink! How can you spend that much money over so many years and have it never pay off?? I know times have been tough for Pirates fans, but I remember "We Are Family" and the Willie Stargell years....our memories consist of Steve Bartman (we were AT that game, by the way!) and other precedent-setting collapses. One of these years has GOT to be The Year -- I just hope it happens while I'm alive to see it!
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